Friday, March 14, 2008

10 Days To Go...

If anyone wants to know how to celebrate the completion of my National Board Portfolio on Wednesday, March 26th, here is my top ten list:

10. Peel me off the couch, lift the laptop off of me, and take my ass OUTSIDE for once.

9. Take me to the eye doctor because staring at the computer screen for hour after hour has definitely done some damage.

8. Find a way to make my hands not look quite so much like "the claw"

7. Invent a time machine so I can go back in time to make up for all the fun I've missed.

6. Write apology letters for me to all my friends who think I don't like them anymore because I don't return phone calls, e-mails, let alone spend any time with them.

5. Spend quality time with the beast of a dog because she's been so neglected. (My own mother told her she was getting fat today)

4. Post something witty and great on my blog since I can no longer formulate complete thoughts so my blog readers will still visit my site.

3. Work out with me at the gym so I can lose the "National Board 15" (only a slight exaggeration)

2. Champagne, Beer, Wine, Margaritas, shit.... let's take shots of tequila!

And the number one way to celebrate and the only thing I think I have the energy left to do is...

1. Return to Basics. To a quiet, simpler place of serenity and relaxation...at the Day Spa.

Yep, that's all I want. Read the blurb I found on my favorite spa's website and then just try to argue with me. This is the best way I can think of to celebrate:

Relax. Re-energize. Revitalize. Refresh. Transform.

(YES! YES! YES!)


Begin treating yourself in the way you deserve.

(OH GOD!)

When you walk through our doors, you will encounter a polished staff of world-class beauty and pampering professionals to cater to your every need.

(DON'T STOP!)

Our mission is to make you feel more beautiful and more relaxed than ever before.

(GIVE IT TO ME!)

We are here to help you forget the pressures of the outside world and return you to a state of serenity.

(MMMMM, YEAH!)

From the candlelit treatment rooms to the soothing music, our 6,000 square foot facility is designed with your comfort in mind.

(ORGASMIC!!)

4 comments:

johnnyp said...

When I solved the cryptoquote in today's paper it read: "A teacher affects eternity. You can never tell where their influence stops." That's a cool quote and it made me think about you. I am here for you if you need ANYTHING. Sending you good thoughts always.

LitTeacher said...

Are you dropping hints for gifts??? :)

Mean Mommy said...

I'm cracking up. I love how you invent one-time-only tags for your posts. Unless you intend to write about day spa orgasms again.

cbh said...

are people thinking of giving gifts? in which case... yep!