National Boards Suck...

(but please do consider going through this grueling process. I'll be there for you!)

I stumbled upon this today while not working. Anyone who has attempted National Boards will totally get this. For those of you who have not and are still not really sure what I've been doing over the past 9 months, maybe this will give you some insight and a good laugh:

You might be a National Board Candidate if . . .

1. You can order by number from the Chinese take-out place without consulting the menu

2. The people who answer the telephone at your local pizza delivery place and Chinese take-out restaurant recognize your voice and call you by name

3. You find a recent shopping list and an old shopping list in your coat pockets and you feel compelled to analyze them to determine what they reveal about the development of your consumer habits as they relate to your practice of making lists

4. You find a recent shopping list and old shopping list in your coat pockets and you contemplate using them as artifacts on which to base an interdisciplinary learning experience combining the topic of consumerism as both an economic and social issue with a math graphing activity, and you wonder if you can get three writing prompts out of it

5. You find out the hard way that a jug of red wine doesn't help you reflect on your practice

6. You attach to your mother's birthday present a cover sheet, a statement that you have release forms from everyone who signed the birthday card, a videotape of your children wrapping it while you facilitate, 12 pages of written commentary, then you place the present in a big envelope and slap a bar code sticker with your candidate number onto it before you FedEx it next-day delivery to your Mom in Texas

7. You pin a cover sheet and release form onto your students' coats and slap a bar code sticker with your candidate number onto each of their foreheads before you send them home from school

8. Your family drags you to an appointment with a therapist who works with with families and friends who feel neglected and the first thing she says when she sees the circles under your eyes and the stressed look on your face she says, "You teach, don't you?"

9. You get a call from Oprah because your friend volunteered your family and friends for the show on neglected families and friends, and the first thing she says when she hears the strain in your voice is, "You teach, don't you?"

10. You wake up at three am in a cold sweat and contemplate using your hot flashes in a health lesson and wonder how you can integrate the arts into that lesson

11. You buy stock in visine because in the past week you've purchased 3 bottles to soothe your bloodshot eyes.

12. Environmentalists picket your house because you've killed so many trees printing off draft after draft of entry after entry . . .

Procrastination

If anyone could see me right now they would be laughing hysterically.

As all of you are fully aware, I am turning in my National Board Portfolio in less than one week. I still have an ungodly amount of work to accomplish before then. I did not intentionally put things off, it has just honestly taken me this long to gather all the evidence, documentation, etc. needed to create my portfolio.

So here I am, 8 days left to work, on Spring Break, and doing everything I possibly can think of tonight to avoid working on these silly entries. The funny thing is, I've been "ready" to work since 6:00. I have been on the couch, laptop open, my portfolio instruction notebook next to me turned to the directions for the next paper I should be writing, but all I have accomplished (in two hours) is placing one bar code sticker on the cover page for Entry 4!! What is wrong with me?

Instead of working I have:
-researched my dental insurance policy
-created a meez (isn't she fun??? look she's wearing CROCS!)
-checked my e.mail 3-4 times
-created folders for my work e.mail inbox
-completed my NCAA brackets
-double checked my online bank account
-finally looked at my friend's recent photo album on Snapfish
-took a "break" to eat dinner
-checked my DVR to make sure Pop Fiction recorded last night
-realized I needed to watch Oprah
-watched Oprah
-fed the beast
-went back to www.meez.com and played a game
-called a friend to ask about my dental insurance
-read some of my favorite blogs
-put clothes in the wash
-folded clothes in dryer (you know I'm avoiding something if I'm folding clothes)
-realized I need to put clothes from the washer into the dryer
-posted this blog

Now, please no one distract me. I'm very, very busy.

10 Days To Go...

If anyone wants to know how to celebrate the completion of my National Board Portfolio on Wednesday, March 26th, here is my top ten list:

10. Peel me off the couch, lift the laptop off of me, and take my ass OUTSIDE for once.

9. Take me to the eye doctor because staring at the computer screen for hour after hour has definitely done some damage.

8. Find a way to make my hands not look quite so much like "the claw"

7. Invent a time machine so I can go back in time to make up for all the fun I've missed.

6. Write apology letters for me to all my friends who think I don't like them anymore because I don't return phone calls, e-mails, let alone spend any time with them.

5. Spend quality time with the beast of a dog because she's been so neglected. (My own mother told her she was getting fat today)

4. Post something witty and great on my blog since I can no longer formulate complete thoughts so my blog readers will still visit my site.

3. Work out with me at the gym so I can lose the "National Board 15" (only a slight exaggeration)

2. Champagne, Beer, Wine, Margaritas, shit.... let's take shots of tequila!

And the number one way to celebrate and the only thing I think I have the energy left to do is...

1. Return to Basics. To a quiet, simpler place of serenity and relaxation...at the Day Spa.

Yep, that's all I want. Read the blurb I found on my favorite spa's website and then just try to argue with me. This is the best way I can think of to celebrate:

Relax. Re-energize. Revitalize. Refresh. Transform.

(YES! YES! YES!)

Begin treating yourself in the way you deserve.

(OH GOD!)

When you walk through our doors, you will encounter a polished staff of world-class beauty and pampering professionals to cater to your every need.

(DON'T STOP!)

Our mission is to make you feel more beautiful and more relaxed than ever before.

(GIVE IT TO ME!)

We are here to help you forget the pressures of the outside world and return you to a state of serenity.

(MMMMM, YEAH!)

From the candlelit treatment rooms to the soothing music, our 6,000 square foot facility is designed with your comfort in mind.

(ORGASMIC!!)

Well, CRAP!

Well... my Spring Break has started and for the next 2 and 1/2 weeks I'll be slaving away on National Boards. Not tonight thought, tonight I am home with a 101.5 fever. This couldn't have come at more inappropriate time. I do not have time to be getting sick right now!

Counting Down

It is crunch time. I only have one month from today to finish working on everything for my National Boards and I am exhausted, fed up, and angry that I even got myself involved in this. I am no where near finished but 100% done with this $h*t. I have been working literally 7 days a week for 9-10 hours each day. There is something wrong when the principal has given me a key to the school and the security code for the alarm. Not to mention, if you know me well enough, my life is extremely hectic when my DVR is 90% full!

The National Board process is one of the hardest things I have been through. I will be so glad to mail off my portfolio and put this behind me!

Let the countdown begin!

That Could Hurt!!

Today while writing "long u sentences" during literacy centers J. wrote:
"I put an ice cube in my dick."

Let's hope he meant to write,
"I put an ice cube in my DRINK."

But with little J. and his previous penis issues anything could be possible huh?

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

I've been thinking about grad school recently (crazy I know... and I'm not even finished, aka no where near finished, with National Boards). I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. I've always known I want to teach so this has actually been kinda difficult for me because now I'm trying to narrow down the field of work I love to do and think about what is it about my job that I love.

I know that I want to stay in the classroom.
I know that I love teaching K-2 children.
I know that I love, love, love teaching Writer's Workshop.
I love reading to my kids and watching them learn to love reading.
I really love having students with special needs in my class.
I am fascinated by children with Autism.
I fall in love with the low socio-economic, behaviorally emotionally challenged student.
I know that I loved all my psychology classes in college.

Any ideas??

Here's what a silly personality quiz had to say about me:

You would most enjoy a career that allows you to meet new people. You would also be happiest in a career that allows you to be free and flexible, and allows you to be extremely creative.

You are a great leader. You genuinely enjoy being around other people. Your relationships with others are very important to you. You love talking and meeting new people. You are very enthusiastic about work and about all that you do and have in your life. You love being the focus of attention. You enjoy a fast pace. You are very socially oriented. Therefore, you are much happier being with others than you are alone. You crave interaction with others.

You are very spontaneous and often act before you think. You are always quick to answer when you are asked a question, even if you aren't sure of the answer. It is easier for you to improvise as you go along. You enjoy thinking out loud, and are most creative when brainstorming with friends or colleagues. You enjoy being involved in many activities.

You are very easy to read, and often wear your heart on your sleeve. You are never afraid to tell people what you think. You are very empathetic and genuine. You can sometimes be seen as over-emotional or too involved by others. But that is only because you tend to get so involved in the things you do that they become personal. You want to be adored, loved and appreciated. You like to please others and to make sure people are happy.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyze things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colorful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don't get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don't like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.